It doesn't have to be a "battle."

Both can be true.

Last week, a friend I met through the magic of Instagram came in first in her age group in a half marathon. She’s an inspiring human who has a 2,000+ day run streak, and at 50(something?) her pace is pretty incredible.

I sent her my congratulations, and she responded that it was much harder than she anticipated, so she grumbled about her time. She then said “My critical self-talk is a constant “ work in progress “. It is much better but it is my biggest battle.”

I said to her: “What if it’s not critical in a negative way? Western minds don’t love paradox but two things that are opposite *can* be mutually true. You can love the fuck out of yourself and your performance AND want to do better- and still be satisfied yet dissatisfied about how you did. “Battle” to me implies one side has to win: what if they could coexist?”

She said those words described her perfectly in that moment.

So my question to you, reader, is “why does it have to be a battle?”

I encountered this after I wrote my piece “One second of progress is progress.”

My friend Jim sent me a text message saying he read it, and he was having a little trouble determining how my race went.

I said it was great! Best I ever ran! It was a PR… Yes, it was only by one second, but unlike the race when I ran one second slower back in January, my recovery time was minimal. (In January I was out of commission for two days. This time, I just had some mild sluggishness.)

I was in the top 5% of this race, and it was the one where I finally decided to stop saying I’m “fast for a girl” and just start saying “I’m fast.”

And. It could have been better.

I could have run faster. I could have hydrated better. I could do more upper-body strength exercises. I could do more mobility. I could stretch.

One second of progress is progress.

For me, the capacity to hold paradox is easy. Both of these things are true, and they peacefully coexist in my mind.

A battle implies one of them has to become victorious over the other.

As Wayne Dyer says right at the beginning of Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: On Living the Wisdom of the Tao:

“Paradoxical thinking is embedded in Eastern concepts such as yin and yang or the feminine and the masculine, and where things are comfortably described as both this and that. We in the West, by contrast, tend to view opposites as incompatible concepts that contradict each other.”

Simone Seol, a brilliant entrepreneur I follow once wrote that the capacity to hold paradox is a sign of a grown-up mind

Things are “this” and “that” at the same time, peacefully.

Consistency is the key to success. It’s also the path to burnout. Both are true.

Loving your body exactly as it is is important. And, it is unhealthy to just willy-nilly be fine with walking around in a morbidly obese body that is suffocating your organs, putting excess pressure on your joints, and acting as a recipe for a multitude of illnesses. Both are true.

Opposing concepts can peacefully coexist and both be true at the same time.

I am the best-looking I have ever been. I look in the mirror and think “fuck, you have done a fine job.” And, I could stand to lose five pounds. I’ve been going ham on the Trader Joe’s peanut butter cups and mochi ice cream. I love my body. And also, peanut butter cups are on hiatus until further notice because my tummy is getting fluffy from eating 15 at a time. Both are true. The ideas are not battling.

They are coexisting. Peacefully.

I believe in leading with love and compassion. And also, I believe in firmness and redirection. Both are true.

I believe that the purpose of this life is to learn and let go of pieces of the ego. I also believe the human experience facilitates learning by our egos copulating with one another for mutual growth. Both are true.

Just take this into consideration when your brain is trying to make something an “either-or” this week.

It’s often nonsense to make it a battle. There won’t be a victor.