“Because I Said So”

Good Morning!

Yesterday, I had a conversation with fellow coach Alysia Lyons for a podcast we plan to release later this year called Hearts on the Street.

The name of the podcast was inspired by an artist here in New York City, Hash Halper, who died by suicide in June, 2021. ​

He drew "hearts on the street" in chalk of all colors. During height of the pandemic, his art was one of the only positive messages I can remember. It brought many in my neighborhood hope, and joy.

I have a tattoo of his hearts on my forearm in his memory as a reminder that one never knows the ripple effect their actions cause in the greater ocean of us.

Yesterday, in our conversation for an upcoming episode, we talked about children, and how the four words "because I said so" contribute to the development of the ego, and the loss of curiosity.

We're exploring curiosity in Day 1. right now with respect to intuition, and following your excitement.

As adults, we don't always get curious or excited. We like to follow a set standard of a rulebook and we consistently try to shove ourselves into the criteria for what that rulebook prescribes.

We judge everything by measurable results, and it's never enough to just follow the joy train.

Alysia works with mothers on this very thing, so it was appropriate that we were talking about children, and their ability to always be filled with wonder, excitement, and a desire to say in that soft, malleable place.

I had the specific memory come up of "because I said so" when Alysia mentioned a mentor of ours, Sean Smith, saying that kids are the best coaches because they "just keep asking 'why?' "

When I was a child, I found so much of what my parents, my school system, and my peers said to be completely erroneous. I wanted to know "why." I felt I was entitled to a "why."

From my family, I was usually met with the response "because I said so."

Eventually, my soft, malleable, child-like brain just accepted that ultimate dismissal as an indicator that I was wrong and they were right. My parents obviously "knew" and I didn't.

Except that that led to anger, bitterness, and resentment eventually.

And to this day, at almost 37, I get angry when my mother doesn't have the answer for me.

I remember a specific occurrence recently where I said to her "I can write that off on my taxes, right?"

She responded "I don't know, Andrea."

Well... how would she know? She works a W2 job. So does her husband. They have a private accountant do their taxes. How would she know?

Yet there's a small, unhealed part of me that is still vehemently ANGRY when she doesn't "know." After all, you're supposed to know! How don't you "know?" I accepted your bullshit "because I said so" for years and now you don't have the answers for me?!!!

And the thing is, I've been figuring shit out on my own for decades! I have MANY people in my life that would know that fucking answer! Yet, I go to the dry well every time, hoping for a different result.

Over the past year in my own personal development, I've been exploring my relationship with self-trust.

I come off as a badass, yet it's a veneer. I have a soft underbelly I've protected with Manhattan anonymity for 14 long years. I didn't even realize I didn't trust myself until last fall when I joined a group led by a friend of mine, and I noticed I couldn't trust anyone in that damn group.

That is what we call a mirror.

If you can't trust a single person outside of you, guess who you really can't trust? Hint: it isn't them.

It was in this podcast conversation yesterday that I began to understand how much the "because I said so" really took away my agency and ability to trust that I knew the answers, and that asking "why" to something that was curious to me was perfectly acceptable.

It was a reminder that my path is guided by my inner knowing, not the knowledge of someone else living a life I don't desire.

Everyone is on their own path, and intuition guides you on that path. You'll feel the tension when you try to shove that intuition into a box that makes sense in the rulebook, so you might as well throw that book out.

You've always known the answers. When was the first time you remember someone telling you that you didn't?

Food for thought.

**I'm reopening enrollment for Day 1. at the end of this month. If you're curious about updates, visit day1.getthefuckoff.com.​

Hope your week is off to a great start